Christian Dating: Five (5) Courting/dating rules young Christians should know about but are rarely discussed in the Church.
Author: S. Gordon-Jeffery
Hey y'all! How are you? Are you ready for another candid conversation on Christian love and dating? You are? Well, let's get into it!
Last time I discussed an article written by a young lady seeking a serious relationship, and I shared tips which I think both her and other young Christian women may find useful.
So no, we're not discussing the topic that may have some pastors (and church folks) scurrying for cover. 😂
No. I won't be talking about sex today. We know premarital sex is frowned upon and is prohibited, so we have that clear in our minds. Just keeping things light today.
Today, is the follow-up article I had promised about discussing some of the rules of Christian dating/courting that are implied and/or barely mentioned (I mean when sumn happen then you might hear an older saint in the church seh sumn), and they also assume you should know!
1. No kissing!
Nope. No puckering up of those lips to give your significant other a kiss. No, not even a peck! You should engage in healthy conversation but no kissing because it may lead to other things. Kissing is an enjoyable act, isn't? It stimulates the senses and may make you feel nice and tingly all over. So I can understand why there may be apprehension, bearing in mind that it is usually a precursor to more intimate activity with the mood and setting just right.
2. No Physical touching, not even holding hands!
Yes, so I learned about this at my church's youth meeting some years ago, when I was a wee bit younger. Yes I am still youngish, lol. The youth leader at that time invited a group of church youth leaders to come and share with us about physical interaction between the sexes.
They cautioned us on the appropriate way to give godly hugs! So what you do is, you face each other male and female, and you embrace the shoulders. You're maybe a 1/2 foot or a foot apart (don't kill me if that doesn't sound right, I'm not a Math person), you lean in, reach your arms out and embrace the shoulders, that way certain sensitive areas are not t-o-u-c-h-i-n-g. No chest to chest. And for below the waist, those body parts would be miles away!
Two persons who came with the team demonstrated what they meant. At first we giggled while watching them, saying to ourselves this looks ridiculous. Nobody will want to do that. They'll think we're scorning them. That was way before Covid still; now we're advised that to even hug like that could be deadly. But I digress...
The visiting youth leaders also advised us that holding hands was a big no! Imagine my chagrin to hear this. The reasoning was, it could invoke a feeling of closeness --an intimacy that may lead to more, especially in a setting that could potentially lead to more. You know what I am saying.
That one youth session was quite awhile back. I am not aware of any discussions that similarly deal with the topic of physical space like that since then. But I haven't been a youth in a while. Also perceptions on what is too close may have changed.
3. Never be any where alone together.
You should neverrr be alone together under any circumstances! No way! Even if you belly a hurt and you have diarrhoea, your girlfriend/boyfriend should not be anywhere near you if there is no one else with you at home.
Of course you can go out together, no third wheel tagging along. But... You should go to a public place, have a meal, chat and have fun. Keep it simple, no shenanigans! Meaning, have fun, but make sure it's clean fun in a public place.
Staying at home? Lock them doors, chat on the phone and send SMS messages (in my time -still youngish) to your friend. Nowadays, its Whatsapp, Messenger, etc. Dem deh a dem yaad, you deh a yours. The point is y'all must keep yuh physical distance. When you're alone anything can happen.
4. The guy makes the first move
Telling someone you like them can be nerve wracking for some persons. Traditionally, women don't have to worry about expressing any interest first. They can pretend to be uninterested, and watch the young man sweat, lol.
I had a friend once say he was perplexed about why if a woman likes or finds a particular man attractive they say nothing, especially the Christian women. He grew up in church but unfortunately didn't get it. Well, I told him that traditionally, the belief is the man should take the lead, and that influences even social pursuits such as courtship and falling in love. So if yuh like har yuh affi go hunting!
In the Christian context though, yuh affi come correck! Yuh cyaa seh, "Baby, hi baby! Mi like yuh enuh." "My size! Yuh fat an' roun' like" 😫 No! You have to be a gentleman. You state your intentions respectfully and leave it up to the young lady to make the next move. If all goes well, she will say if she likes you back, and will begin to make the effort to hang around you more often. It's then up to you to ensure you treat her well.
5. Date in a group setting until...
You date in a group setting until...you find the right one.
Next? Well, next you check out the family background. You observe who their friends are. You engage in friendly chatter just getting to know each other. That is why group outings are recommended. You sneakily gather intelligence about your love interest, seeing them hopefully in a setting where they can be relaxed enough to show their true self.
Plus a group setting provides the prospect of getting to know more persons in a more relaxing environment. Once however you have honed in on the person you wish to court and there is that mutual understanding, you reserve more time together in a place where there is opportunity to know the person more intimately (long conversations) but not where you can be intimate (sex).
I know what you're saying: these rules are outdated. Not really. Here's why I say it is not outdated... Oops out of time!
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