LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS: Finding the right one: Seven (7) questions men should ask themselves when looking for a committed relationship.

  Author: S. Gordon-Jeffery

Hello folks! Thanks for joining me for another relationship blog post! Today I'll be giving the men, yes you lovely men a heads up on choosing the right one. So gentlemen, if you're looking for insight into finding the right woman, then continue reading. 

Relationships can be hard, nuh true? Yeah, I remember when I was dating and trying to figure out if the person I was seeing really cared and respected me. Men, I know many of you are right about now fed up and tired of the dating scene. It feels like you're playing Russian roulette with your heart!  

Here are some questions you should ask yourself to help you find your soulmate. 

1. Why am I talking to this person?

Sometimes men end up in a relationship with a woman because their friends set them up or because somehow they are in the general orbit of each other. Meaning, you and the young lady belong to the same social or religious group. The relationship starts without them thinking about it. I will say however that you should think about why you're talking to the person. Is it because your friends or family say she's a nice person and they are pushing a relationship between you too. Is there an attraction there? Granted, men will find most women attractive, but what is it about her do you really like? Take the time to assess your feelings and not just go with the flow.

2. Do we share similar values/beliefs?

Straight off the bat you should know her moral gage or compass. You can find this out by asking her a few questions. What is her home background? Is she a Christian? (If you're a Christian yourself, this is a very important question to ask). What sort of relationship is she looking for: long term and monogamous or play it by ear/ we'll see sort of thing? Does she believe in settling down and having a family? Marriage? There is no reason after befriending someone and getting to know them, you can't ask a few of these questions. It shouldn't be like an interrogation however, but to protect your heart, you should know. Go out on several dates and choose the appropriate occasions to ask.

3. Where does she see herself in the next five/ten years?

Now, yes I know this sounds like a job interview question, but I kid you not, this is important. Spending time with someone exclusively is a very big investment of your time. Nothing is wrong in finding out what  a woman's mindset is.

Hopefully, besides career goals, she will mention being in a committed, faithful relationship with a man she truly loves and respects. Otherwise, it might be wise to look in another direction. You see men, women always know what they want and who they want. For the right person, she will make adjustments: choose to have a serious relationship. It may not be you. Take the hints she's giving and move on. 

4. How does she treat me when I'm around her and her friends? (Have you even met her friends?)

The time will come when she may introduce you to a few of her friends for you to hang out with them. This is normal and is a way for her to get feedback from her girlfriends about what they think about you. If she doesn't introduce you to them, it's one of two things: 1. She is afraid they may try to flirt with you. 2. If she's living a double life, she's afraid they may tell you her dirty secrets out of spite. 

Consider however, if she ignores you while she's with her friends, and you're right there with them, that is not a good sign. Which leads me to my next point...

5. Does she make time for me?

Men if you're honest, you'll admit that there is no greater feeling than having your boo in your arms, cuddled up at the movies; spending leisure time doing something that creates a bond between you two. Some men take their girlfriends hiking, fishing (go figure), or teach them to play the latest video game! Whatever it is, you know you'd feel appreciated if she takes the time to be with you. So does she?

6. Does she listen to me?

She hears you, but, does she listen? To listen is much more than hearing. And one doesn't listen to answer to win an argument. Listening involves hearing, yes, but also empathy, reciprocity, and being engaged in the conversation through body language. In this modern age of smart phones and social media, men and women can miss the intricate cues of communication, especially if they are not face to face. Unfortunately, even when we are together, we are so stuck on the phone --surfing online, that a genuine conversation --getting to know someone is impossible. Men must be good listeners, picking up the cues women give and then reciprocating. Women must be quick to listen, just listen, and ask probing questions. We can learn a lot about a man's values and aspirations when we take the time to listen. 

Men, if a woman likes you, she will listen to you and want to know about who you are. If you're on a date and she doesn't ask you about yourself, she's not interested. And if she talks about herself and doesn't give you a chance to say anything, that is not a good sign.

7. Does she respect me?

In tandem with point 6, you should consider if when she speaks to you or about you she ridicules you. Does your opinion matter to her? Does she interrupt you when you're speaking? Granted in the cut and thrust of lively discussions, persons may cut persons off in mid-sentence, but it shouldn't be that if you're making a serious point, she fails to listen and seeks feedback to understand what you're saying. 

Your values: What you believe. What you like and dislike. Your career goals. Family values. Does she care to understand and respect them? Also, how does she make you feel? Is she concerned about how her actions may hurt or help? Does she make sure to protect your heart by reassuring you of her faithfulness? Think about it.

😊 Thanks so much for reading this article. I would love to hear from you. Please leave a comment below. Look out for a new article in the series "finding the right one", coming soon.