LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS: Five (5) principles that will make your marriage work, (part 1).

Blog Contributor: Leon Jeffery

Edited: S. Jeffery

In this blog post, my debut article for The Writing Solution blog, I will be discussing five (5) principles which I believe will make marriage work or successful. These five (5) principles are:

1. A desire to please God
2. Love your spouse
3. Listen to your spouse
4. Be a helper to your spouse
5. Never leave your spouse 

I strongly believe that the first principle, a desire to please our Heavenly Father, is the key to a successful life in general. Having a desire to please God is what will make us as human beings live longer, happier, prosperous and fulfilling lives. Now because the topic is about marriage, the first principle is the key for a successful marriage and is the one you should focus on. When the first principle becomes the goal and purpose of your life, the other four principles will become automatic, where you don't have to think when doing them, they will become a part of your daily life. Also, the other principles are evidence that the first one exists. 

Let's say for example, a person has the desire to please God, he or she will love you, help you, listen to you and will never want to leave you. But, if that person has no desire to please God, then he or she will not love you, not want to help you, not listen to you and may leave you especially when you need them the most, either for someone else or even when you are talking to them about something very important to you. I will therefore be discussing this principle in detail this week and finish off our discussion of the other four principles another time. Hope to see you then! 

Okay, let's get into the meat of our discussion. 😊

A desire to please God

Having the desire to please God is very important to marriage because God is the one who invented it and created the two persons in it. 

God should be the beginning and the end of every marriage. Now, for you to have a desire to please God there are two things you have to do. You have to (a) accept him and (b) give him ownership over your life where you become His and He becomes yours. Let me break it down so you can have a clear view of what I'm saying.

(a) Accept him

To have a desire to please God, you first have to accept Him as your personal savior, which is similar to when you marry, or got married to your spouse. The day you and your spouse fell in love, you both agreed to accept each other, flaws and all. You and your wife/husband said I love you and yes I will marry you and spend the rest of my life with you. 

Now hear me out and consider this: Compare your wedding to a baptismal service where a Christian about to be immersed into the water — is telling the world that he or she is no longer a sinner —you saying your vows to your beloved, is announcing to the world that I have put the single life aside and no longer live for myself. Both ceremonies represent a transformation that has happened on the inside. 

The wedding and the baptismal ceremony have one significant thing in common —the pastor. The pastor represents God as the overseer, who is looking on what he sees, giving his approval saying I am well pleased and pronounces his blessing upon what is taking place. The ring, though to many seems merely ornamental, represents the seal of the love you both share, similarly, the Holy Spirit is the seal of God's love He shares with us. 

When you kiss your spouse before the pastor, family and friends, you are saying to both God and man that you are no longer separate, but one with your spouse [1]. The same thing happens when a person is baptized. When that persons goes down into the water and comes up out of it he or she is telling both God and man that I am no longer separated from God, but one with Christ. 

What am I saying? 

As a Christian my old self is now dead, the things I used to say or do, I say or do them no more. 

Christ now lives in me and I live for Him. 

So, whatever I ask, it shall be granted, based on the fact that I will never ask for something He doesn't approve of, because I live in union with Him. Something similar also happens when you get married. Your old self dies. The things you used to say or do, you say or do them no more. Your husband or your wife is who you now live for i.e. they become an essential part of you, the dreams and aspirations he or she has are now yours, your dreams and aspiration are also theirs, so whatever you both ask of each other, it shall be granted, because none of you will ask for something that will bring harm to the other. 

This is what it means to accept God or to say 'I love you' to your spouse, both God and your spouse have full control over you.

(b) Ownership

This concept is very hard to accept in our modern society and world. It is unfortunate but true, that people are moving more and more away from biblical principles. So for a husband to own his wife or wife to own her husband, and carrying the discussion to its natural progression, most people become offended when it is said that the duty of the wife is to submit to her husband. To them it sounds more like spousal abuse. It is not however the case. 

But if we look into our daily lives and really think about it, we all submit to something. Believe it or not we submit every day! We submit, become a slave, okay, let's say...we render our services and become a servant —under the control of someone else at our jobs. Never thought about it that way, did you? This only occurred to me recently too. To become vulnerable to someone else where they determine what we do, where we go, and when we go, is submission. We display sheep-like behaviour at our jobs. Though we say no, we will not allow ourselves to behave like sheep, and to act like that is never embraced in our society, in some aspects of our lives we do submit. 

Let's think deeply about this now: When a Christian says I am a child of God; a woman of God; a man of God; a servant of God, and then says to Christ "you are my God, my Lord and my Savior." He/she, you or I am saying God is in charge of our lives and we are not the ones directing our steps. We therefore do not make decisions based up on our personal goals or different circumstances. We, you or I put our trust in the Lord with all our hearts, never relying on what we think, but remembering the Lord in everything we do, and allowing him to show us the right way for our lives. 

We say boldly, "I come in the name of the Lord", which means I am not ashamed of my God and His principles alone I will follow. In a marriage the same concept applies: my wife or my husband; my children; my family, I am going home to my wife; I am going home to my husband. With these phrases we are saying to our spouse —I am yours and you are mine. In your marriage you are going to put your trust in your beloved with all your heart, never relying on what you think, but remembering your spouse in everything you do, and allowing him or her to show you the right way. Your wife or husband, children and family are what you work for, plan for, your dreams and aspirations surround them and they are who you represent. 

In our daily lives we use several words to show ownership or control. When we say: my house, my car, my job, my money, my career, etc. We take on possession of them as they are a part of who we are, an integral part of our identity. So too should your spouse become a part of that which makes you who you are. 

Everything we do comes with giving and receiving, but the giving of oneself is more essential to human development. 

When we go to our jobs, we do submit, become slaves/servants and come under the control of someone else or behave like sheep, don't we? But why? We swallow our pride to satisfy the provision of our daily needs  and wants. 

The main difference between a job and a marriage is that with a job, you are offering your talents and abilities to receive or achieve something for self, but in a marriage, you offer yourself gladly and wholeheartedly expecting nothing in return. Because to offer yourself to your spouse is the ultimate demonstration of love (St. John 3:16, KJV).

Here is a parting word for you that I hope will bring you encouragement this week.

 

"And do not make God's Holy Spirit sad; for the Spirit is God's mark of ownership on you, a guarantee that the day will come when God will set you free. Get rid of all bitterness, passion, and anger. No more shouting or insults, no more hateful feelings of any sort. Instead, be kind and tender-hearted to one another, and forgive one another, as God has forgiven you through Christ" (Ephesians 4 vv. 30-32, Good News Version).

Conclusion 

Marriage is God's plan for human beings, and so for it to work every married couple has to understand that a desire to please God is fundamental to the decision making processes that happen within their marriage. Accepting and giving Him ownership over your life i.e. having the desire to please Him, is the key ingredient to making your marriage work.

I sincerely hope that this article was not only interesting, stimulating your mind to learn more, but also helpful. Please tune in next time where I will be discussing the next two (2) principles —love your spouse; and listen to your spouse. These principles are how you act on or demonstrate your love for your spouse and please your Heavenly Father. See you then! 

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References

1. Editor's note: 'Ish and Ishah - Man and Woman, two become one', for context see: 'Christian Dating: Here's why Christian dating rules are not outdated', https://thewritingsolution.blogspot.com/2021/10/christian-dating-heres-why-christian.html