Christian Dating: Here's why Christian dating rules are not outdated. A follow-up blog.

   Author: S. Gordon-Jeffery

Recently I wrote 5 Courtship/dating rules young Christians should know about but are rarely discussed in the church. In it I shared 5 dating rules such as No Kissing, Never Be Anywhere Alone, The Guy makes the first move, etc. And after reading it, I am sure some persons would say, "What? Those rules are outdated. They're old and have no place in a modern society." Okay, I hear you. But, hear me out just a little bit.

First of all, I am not trying to impose my worldview on anyone, but I will share why I believe it is necessary for you to consider it when thinking about a romantic relationship.

As human beings we all have the desire to be loved. And, we wanna find that one person to cherish. God knows this. In fact, God is the one who made us that way! He made us to have fellowship with Him and also with each other.

Made for each other

And the LORD GOD said, "It is not good that man should be alone, I will make him an help meet for him." (KJV, Genesis 2 v. 18) 

  Jeff Benner reveals in his article 'What is a "help meet?"', that neged the root word of kenegdo, is translated "to be face to face" as in the opposite of. K the prefix in Kenegdo means "like", the o (kenegdo) means (of him, of his). He concluded the term kenegdo signified that Eve was then like Adam, his other half, but "with the opposite attributes." [2]

In the Genesis account of Creation, God in his infinite wisdom created Adam and understanding his need for relationship, fashioned and molded the Woman, Eve, who would not only be the Man's companion, but the one who was best suited and his equal.

So what am I saying?

The union of a man and a woman should not be taken lightly. Now don't laugh, but man and woman actually fulfill each other! No, I'm not talking about: Can you pay my bills, kind of thing. I mean on a deeper level.

The word Adam actually means human! [3] It was only when out of Adam (human), God made Eve (woman), that Adam was then called man. [3]

In Hebrew, the original language of Genesis and other Old Testament books of the Bible, the word for man is Ish and for woman it is Ishah. Before man was separated from woman (God removed a rib from Adam and made Eve - Genesis 2 vv. 21-23, KJV), he was Adam, fully human. It was only after Eve/Ishah (woman) was created, that the word Adam came to mean man or Ish. Thus without woman, man is not complete, and yes, without man, woman is not complete either. Joined together, both parties are whole and human, completing each other.


Courtship/Dating and Sex

What we see happening in relationships today is chaos. Men and women get together, have sex, and then after a few months, they break up and move on to the next conquest. But that was not God's plan. He wanted men and women to be in partnership, working together for the sake of society, and where a romantic relationship is concerned, a wholesome and fulfilling experience for both.

If you date/court someone and rush into a sexual relationship without laying the foundations of trust, respect and honour, that relationship is bound to fail, and sex added to the mix creates a devastating cocktail of depression, anxiety, heartbreak, regret and a hardened heart.

According to an article written by Moral Revolution, sex has an affect on the neurological pathways in the brain. When we engage in sexual activity, feel good hormones are released into the body, especially after orgasm.
For women, the feel good hormone is oxytocin, and for men it's vasopressin. Oxcytocin, the feel good chemical, when released causes a woman to want to bond with her partner. It relieves stress and fosters a desire for closeness and a feeling of trust in her partner. Vasopressin is the male version and causes a man to want to bond with his woman; to be loyal, he is very protective of her and may even become jealous over what he believes is his (bone of my bone). [4]

Engaging in any sort of sexual activity (including open mouth kissing) releases these hormones. They are highly addictive and will therefore stimulate the senses, causing the desire to go further, to do more, to get more and more of that feeling.

These hormones, often called commitment hormone or the monogamy molecule, were created by God to develop the bonds needed to sustain a healthy, loving and committed relationship between a husband and wife (they foster closeness, trust, etc).

When we start a relationship based on sex: We have sex, then break up, feel sorry for ourselves (yeah I've been there), we are messing ourselves up emotionally. What we are doing is altering the chemical balance in our brains and causing harm to ourselves psychologically and I dare say spiritually! Hooking up with someone and then breaking up, and then rushing to get into something to break up again, messes with our emotions and makes it harder for us to trust others and fall in love. Some persons especially women, may have body image issues (we no longer feel we're beautiful), they get depressed, etc.

For other persons, they become so emotionally hardened (icebox heart), that never again will they allow anyone to see that caring, vulnerable side of them. They may soothe their pain with sex. It becomes a drug they must have. It becomes a sport; they do more and more outlandish things, to get the same thrill they had when they first fell in love, and everything was new.

A woman's body also goes through changes because of sex. Did you know that a man's sperm alters a woman's vag vag? Yup, according to medicalnewstoday.com, having multiple sex partners can throw a woman's bacterial balance down there out of whack, messing up it's natural pH, leading to infections such as bacterial vaginosis. [5] Not to mention all those STIs including HIV lurking around.

In conclusion, sex is never just sex. When you have sex with someone you bond with them. If you're just in the dating/courting phase of a relationship, its best not to engage in any sort of sexual activity. Engaging in any sort of activity: kissing, sexual touching, etc, may heighten emotional as well as sexual interest in a person. If that interest leads to sex but no commitment, it can have physical, emotional/psychological and of course spiritual consequences. God in his wisdom created marriage to be the perfect avenue for man and woman to express their desire for each other. Two become One, completely human, according to God's original design.



References

1. Benner, Jeff A. 'What is a "help meet?". Ancient Hebrew Research Center, 2019-2020. https://www.ancient-hebrew.org/studies-interpretation/what-is-a-help-meet.htm
2. Tverberg Lois. 'Ish and Ishah - Together fully human'. July 2015. En-gedi Resource Center. https://engediresourcecenter.com/2015/07/02/ish-isah-together-fully-human/
3. Moral Revolution. The Invisible Effects of Sex before Marriage. 2015. https://www.moralrevolution.com/blog/the-invisible-effects-of-sex-before-marriage
4. Zillines, Zawn. 6 Ways to get rid of vaginal odor. January 2020. Medical News Today.  https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/317560